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KIIS FM’s Jackie O releases her debut single and it’s, like, really crap

The fact that Jackie Henderson – a.k.a. Jackie ‘O’ of commercial radio fame – has released her debut single Honey Money is concerning for several reasons.

Firstly, the adjective debut may mean we’re going to be subjected to more of the same drivel in the future, and let me say the inaugural single is so bad, the future isn’t looking too bright.

Secondly, if – and this is a big if – the single manages to shift units on iTunes, it might just kickstart a truly horrific trend; that is an avalanche of bad-taste radio jocks releasing their own brand of music, a bit like when all those Neighbours stars started dishing out their own records. Could you imagine the horror?

Jackie O and her partner in air crime, Kyle Sandilands, would like to have you think the seeds of Honey Money were planted with a singing and rapping challenge on The Kyle and Jackie O Show that quickly evolved into an actual recording of the track, but I bet it began way back when Jackie was singing into a hairbrush as a wide-eyed, fame-craving teenager.

This week, Henderson told industry site Radio Today that, “As a kid, I did a lot of singing and dancing. I’ve been talking about recording a song on air for ages and when Kyle challenged me, Kian, one of our producers and I actually did it.” (We weren’t sure where to place the commas, either).

Jackie says she took the finished song home to play to her daughter, Kitty, and that after getting approval from the seven-year-old (because seven-year-olds should be subjected to lyrics like “count my money while you’re dripping in honey”) the song was made available on iTunes, followed by rotation on KIIS.

An audio clip for Honey Money was posted on YouTube last Wednesday. It has had 393 hits as of midday today, September 12. Three-hundred-and-ninety-three hits. In one week. Heck, a video of me dressed in Joker drag, lip-synching to Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me by U2 did more than that in a week. And here’s me thinking commercial radio possessed dodgy tricks to drive up hits and singles sales.

It seems even with all the syncopated tricks at your fingertips, and all the repetitive hooks in the world, all the stupidity and redundancy, even the scapegoat allusions to charity (for “farmers affected by drought”, who’d more likely be embarrassed than flattered by the recording), this ridiculous tune proves KIIS FM’s hosts don’t hold much power in pushing a product’s success. Not even their own.  Antonino Tati

 

Dare to listen to Jackie O’s ‘Honey Money’ here:

 

UPDATE:

On Friday, just one day after its appearance on the iTunes charts, Jackie O’s Honey Money was deleted due to copyright issues. The issue wasn’t with music copyright but with image. The cover art featured Jackie’s head superimposed on Iggy Azalea’s body and Iggy’s record company are none too happy. Once new cover art is ready, the single will be re-uploaded up to iTunes… but this time it will be given away for free.

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