Grease is the word: 11 fast foods that’ll help cure the festival hangover
The music festival season has been in full swing. In WA alone there’s recently been Blues at Bridgetown, Disco at the Quarry, Euphoria in the Fields, and local saluting event WAMFest.
During peak festival season, it’s all good and well to be running from outdoor gig to pub to club, but if you’re drinking a lot of alcohol between these venues, it’s inevitable you’ll end up with a hangover.
Cream presents our guide to the best festival hangover foods, choosing to throw the goodie-goodie advice out the rented Isuzu window.
Of course, hardly any of the following is actually healthy for you. But by golly will it help soak up the alcohol – plus it tastes real good.
01. Two-buck hamburgers from McDonalds
Two dollars doesn’t get you much these days but it will score you something scrummy from McDonalds ‘Loose Change’ menu. 
Stack three double cheeseburgers (total cost just six bucks) and you’ve got a meal in itself, really, with plenty of oils to soak up last night’s boozy suds.
02. Yum Cha
As delicious as its name suggests, yum cha is traditional Chinese morning tea, the term itself being Cantonese for ‘drink tea’. But to Westerners it’s less about sipping cuppas and more about the tasty food that accompanies the hot brew: sticky rice, sweet pork buns, prawn dumplings and egg tarts being among the more popular dishes. Also known as dim sum or ban ming, the buzz around yum cha never seems to diminish. Just pop into a Northbridge Chinese restaurant on any given Sunday morning and you’ll see how hugely popular this post-fest feast is.
03. Hot dog with the lot
Who cares about those stories of hot dog meat being made up of all those unmentionable bits of piggies, when it tastes that good? Throw on some mustard, relish, ketchup and onions and its junk food heaven. Top with cheddar cheese, and it’s diabolic.
04. The cheesiest pizza you can find
You can either go ‘boutique pizza’ on this one, opting for fancy toppings like teriyaki chicken, satay beef or sweet potato, or plain and simple with a humble margherita, but just be sure there’s plenty of gooey, sloppy cheese. Cheddar or mozzarella, parmesan or provolone, gorgonzola or Gouda: no matter what cheese you pick, it’s bound to provide you with a good, greasy fix.
05. KFC Original Recipe chicken
Kentucky Fried Chicken can introduce any fancy take on its chook that it likes (we even tried the sweet sesame-coated breast recently which wasn’t too bad) but for sheer decadence in post-boozy-night junk-food feasting, you can’t go past a bucket of the Colonel’s original recipe chicken. Well, alright, we’ll let you chuck in a couple of Hot’N’Spices.
06. Chicken Treat chips
You don’t get Chicken Treat on the other side of the country – except for the recent store that opened in Eastern Creek, Sydney last December. The lack of the good chook east means disappointment to many a Sydneysider, Melbournian and Brisbanite. The WA-owned fast food brand might have a tough time competing with the big chook brands like KFC and Red Rooster but when it comes to hot, crispy chips, Chicken Treat ones are the darn best. Loaded, even better.
In some countries, it’s called a kebap or a kabob, but then we’re not sure if that’s because the verbal order might sound like that when it’s coming from a drunken dude who can’t say kebab.
07. Kebab with the lot
A traditional dish of sliced meat originating in the Middle East, kebabs are now the staple food of drunken lads who’ve lost their mates in the club and need an iron fix in between one-too-many shots and chasers. In some countries, it’s called a kebap or a kabob, but then we’re not sure if that’s because the verbal order might sound like that when it’s coming from a drunken dude who can’t say kebab.
08. Bacon and eggs
Otherwise known as ‘The Big Breakfast’ at your local café, not only do bacon and eggs taste better after a heavy night on the tiles; they’re actually quite good for you. Here’s some food for thought: scientists say starting your day off with a plate of B&E is actually better for the heart, waistline and blood pressure than carb-rich foods like cereals, breads and pastries since they set up the metabolism for the rest of the day, making it easier to burn off other meals and snacks. Now you don’t have to feel like such a little piglet!
09. Kway teow
A national favourite in countries like Singapore, Malaysia and Indonesia, kway teow (pronounced just like it’s spelt) are rice-cake strips stir-fried with veggies, shrimp and thin slices of meat. Topped with chilli, chives and soy sauce, it’s a meal in itself and one very delish dish. The high fat content and low cost of kway teow made it an attractive food option to natives of the aforementioned lands… And to geezers with not much dosh left over from last night’s big pub-crawl.
10. Soft tacos
A popular Mexican food, soft shell tacos are fairly messy to eat but never as messy as the hard-shell alternative. In addition to staying together better, soft tacos actually hold more toppings than the standard hard shell taco. And the taste of the squishy shell itself is pretty sweet!
11. Bloody Mary
Though the vodka in this is kind of cheating – very hair of the dog – the tomato juice is actually good for you, as is the Worcestershire or Tabasco sauce. Oh, and necessary celery stick. Vitamin C au-go-go! Some say the name ‘Bloody Mary’ comes from some famous femme fatale in history, but we think it might have something do with the name of the dude who was first served the good drink: Mr Vladimir Smirnov. After a few glasses of this stuff, that name ‘Vladimir’ might well end up sounding like ‘Vloody Mary’.
Well alright then, if you do want to play healthy while curing that hangover, try any of these:
↑ Frozen yogurt.
Plenty of water.
Sports drinks (eg: Gatorade).
Ginger or peppermint tea.
Fruit juice.
Bananas.
Oats.
Spinach.
Chicken noodle soup.
Miso Soup.
Toast with honey.
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