Celebrating International Masturbation Month

Look, I’m not ashamed to say it: I can be somewhat of a wanker at times. Metaphorically, yes. And, I’ll admit it, literally, too. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with spanking the monkey on occasion. I know for a fact that it won’t make me blind. Indeed, it’s probably a healthy thing, getting that pent-up frustration out of your system via a jolly good wank now and then.

What I’m surprised to learn is that there actually exists a celebration known as ‘Masturbation Month’ and it’s happening right now during the month of May.

May 14 was officially ‘International Masturbation Day’, the first of which was observed back in 1995, invented by US sex-toy retailer, Good Vibrations, in reaction to the sacking by then-President Bill Clinton of a White House employee – simply for her suggestion that the subject of masturbation be incorporated into sex education.

The good Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders lost what looked to be a cosy job at the White House, but she’ll forever be remembered as the woman who inspired the beginning of ‘Masturbation Month’. And wouldn’t that look good on anyone’s CV?

But back to the subject at hand (see what I did there?), since it is the month to celebrate masturbation, here are a few facts that might interest you…

01. Women masturbate less than men
In a recent Swedish study, 15% of women said they have never masturbated, compared to just 1% of men – in a survey of 3,000 women and men.

02. Women are more likely to use sex toys
Forty-three per cent of women in the aforementioned study said they often incorporated ‘objects’ into their masturbation, compared to 13% of men. But men were twice as likely as women to say that they concocted fantasies during masturbation.

03. The average age of first masturbation is about 13
To be exact, the average age for boys is 12.4 years, and for girls 13.0 years – which is an interesting discovery since, although there’s not much point-of-a-percentage difference, one would assume females – who generally mature earlier than males – would be the first to address their hormonal changes and sexual thoughts.

04. Duration of masturbation can vary greatly
It can be as brief as a couple of minutes, or as lengthy as two-and-a-half-hours. The Guardian reported this factoid “according to the incredibly small sample size of one: Reddit user ‘touchingforscience’ has been timing his masturbation sessions since 24 February 2013 [and has had] 379 masturbation sessions over the past year.” While the subject’s average wank-time was half an hour, one particular experience went on for 150 minutes. Don’t even try to think about it…

So there you have it; a little information you may not have known about masturbation. Now take that info with you and try to incorporate it into dinner party conversation. It’d certainly bring new meaning to the term ‘talking wank’.  Michael Mastess