‘Shock jock’ and all-round douche-bag Alan Jones to quit radio

Veteran radio announcer, Alan Jones, has announced today that he will be quitting radio and stepping down as host of breakfast programs on 2GB and 4BC.

Jones’ final show will be aired at the end of May and he will be replaced by announcer Ben Fordham.

Alan Jones revealed the news on his breakfast show this morning, saying: “We are living in the world of Coronavirus. The most repeated statement we hear is ‘we must listen to the experts’. Well, the experts are telling me ‘continuing with the present workload is seriously detrimental to your health’. I have listened to the experts and I’m taking this opportunity to indicate to my radio family that I will be retiring from radio at the end of this month.”

It’s a lot of waffle and redundant-speak when he simply could have said, “I’m quitting radio at the end of May.”

But Jones is renowned for his waffling on. A conservative at heart, and in a career that has spanned 35 years, he has upset many progressive Australians with his backwards attitude and commentary.

Much of his career has been reliant on criticising and whinging about the supposedly sordid activities of progressives, but rather than adopt a sensible, diplomatic approach in his critique, Jones has often gone right for the jugular, regularly spouting his rampant conservative views that have won him an audience who, scarily enough, becomes even more abrupt and backward in their thinking and expression.

In August last year, Jones was called out on insulting New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern, by suggesting that Australian PM Scott Morrisson “shove a sock down [her] throat” as well as saying she deserved a few “backhanders”.

Tens of advertisers began retracting their advertising on Jones’ 2GB program, including mattress merchants Koala, gym chain Anytime Fitness, ME Bank (actually the first to have pulled the plug), Art Union, Snooze, Bunnings, Bing Lee, Big W, A-Mart and Mercedes Benz.

The fallout of Jones’ bigoted commentary in this particular case meant the ground beneath his feet began to shake.

Fast-forward nine months and it seems, finally, Alan Jones will be off the air for good, as will his sexist, racist and overall bigoted attitude and commentary.

God bless progress.

Michael Mastess