“The year’s gone so fast,” your friends would have said a lot this year. And “I’ve been so busy; never enough hours in the day.” And yet somehow, somehow, we still managed to find time to ogle over the internet about the dumbest of things.
The top Google searches for 2017 have been revealed and the results are rather alarming, to say the least. Alarming because, for folks who are living in a time when politics are up the shit and society appears to have lost touch with itself, do we not have anything better to do than look up ‘How to make slime’?
That was the top search trend in the ‘How to’ department, followed by the oh-so important ‘How to make a fidget spinner’ and then ‘How to make fluffy slime’. I’m not sure about you, but I sure as hell didn’t have any of the gooey green stuff sitting in Tupperware containers around my house. Nor did I care to know how to watch Mayweather vs McGregor (glorified violence just isn’t my thing), how to buy Bitcoin (it’s a rort, and they’ll all be regretting it in a year), and (fuck me) how to make slime without Borax.
The ‘What is’ department for Australians was just as insane in content with folks frantically wanting to get on trend in discovering what kimchi, Sharia Law and covfefe are. Well, at least results in that category saw us expanding our knowledge in multiculture (except for that last word, that doofus Donald Trump created when he misspelt ‘coffee’).
Speaking of Trump, he hardly raised a mention in this year’s Google searches, probably because his ridiculous Tweets and inane soundbites were already all over the net and in our faces.
In the ‘global people’ category, we were infatuated with knowing all about dirt-bag Harvey Weinstein, another dirt-bag in Kevin Spacey, soppy crooner Ed Sheeran (am I the only person in the world who doesn’t give a crap about this drip?), and semi-obscure upstarts like Jake Paul and Post Malone. Funnily enough, Boy George features amid this motely top ten of bad boys and deservedly so for his wise prophesising on The Voice.
Music-related searches were popular, with questions like ‘Why is Pandora shutting down?’ and the obligatory research on rock’n’roll icons that sadly passed away (Chris Cornell, Malcolm Young, Tom Petty, David Cassidy).
In film, three blockbusters inspired the most searches, and yet It, Beauty and the Beast, and Wonder Woman oughtn’t have required much researching since all three are rehashed concepts from eons ago.
In tech trending, it was all about the iPhone 8, iPhone X and Nintendo Switch (Samsung’s Galaxy 8 and Note 8 came in a little further down the list).
But it’s our current diet that causes most concern. While we’ve all been hooked on reality TV cooking shows, where a cornucopia of exotic dishes are offered up to us, the top ten list of recipe searches includes such dull ‘creations’ as pork chops, hash browns, and even the humble hard-boiled egg.
Which sees us coming full circle, really. If folks need to resort to Google to learn how to boil a frigging egg, it kind of highlights the necessity – and in some cases, redundancy – of this ubiquitous online beast. On that note, I’m surprised ‘How to change a lightbulb’ didn’t crop up heavily in this year’s lists. Antonino Tati
Click here to view the full lists of Google’s Global Search Trends for 2017.